Quinodamus Prediction #1: War With Iran Within A Year

I've been predicting for about a month that we're going to war iran within the next year. I'm not the only one who thinks its coming

http://www.dilbert.com/blog

I don't feel like writing too much, so here are some bullet points for why I think this is going to happen pretty soon

-ALOT, like a fucking SICK amount of bad press about Ahmadinejad. Before the middle east blew up every week I'd read about another crazy thing he said. Is he the only dictator saying ridiculous things? Hell no. There are plenty of deranged dictators. He's definitely the one we heard most about though.
 
-Wikileaks cables all point to us wanting to mess with them http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2010/11/29/latest-updates-wikileaks-diplomatic-cables-release/
I mean that article isn't even about Iran specifically but almost every single cable tied back to Ahmadinejad.


-Oil. For this I will cite the most academic of references, and quote Chappelle from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJe8VVEQ0pQ
"What about people who say you're only interested in the middle east for oil?"
"What? Huh?  Oil? Who said something about oil bitch, you cookin? Oil?"

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On Japanese Earthquake Jokes

Everytime some tragedy strikes, some comedian or person in the public spotlight decides that it'd be funny to make a joke about said tragedy (this time it was Gilbert Gottfried), and then the public reacts and says "I'm deeply offended" and then the joker gets ostracized. I've always wondered who decides if something "crosses the line" or not. I've heard it said that comedy = tragedy + time and that sometimes these jokes come too soon. Maybe. But when michael jackson was fucking kids everyone made fun of him and the fact that he fucked kids, and no one really seemed to mind. We all thought it was funny. I don't mean to compare a kid being fucked to 10k people dying, but I think we can all agree that both are terrible, horrible things that we wouldn't wish to happen to our worst enemy. I'm sure people who have lost family don't appreciate jokes made about the earthquake - do people who were molested and raped when they were kids think its funny we laugh about child molesters?

I also thought of Gaddafi and how he is responsible for the death of thousands of people every week, and how SNL makes fun of him every week and we all laugh. Do libyans with family who were JUST slaughtered by this monster think its funny?

So then I wondered if maybe the difference was that in one case we were villianizing someone who committed the heinous act resulting in the tragedy, whereas earthquake victims were hurt by no one in particular and so if we're not villianizing the person who caused the tragedy then its not funny. Am I allowed to make fun of god then? Or mother earth? Probably not. That being said we all make fun of aids all the time "Oh I fucked that whore I hope I don't have aids or something." Now maybe the people involved in getting aids were willing participants in whatever act that got them aids so its ok to make fun of. Until you consider that 600k children die from aids every year and that a good number of them were born with it. Is it still funny to make that joke?

I'm not trying to make light of the situation in japan; no one should have to experience what they went through. No one should be slaughtered by Gadafi for wanting to be able to have a say in their government; no kid should be raped; no child should be born with aids. I'm just saying that trying to draw a line in comedy is insanity.

P.S. I'm also saying that I don't have the balls to make a joke about japan!

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On Observing Artists Observing Art

This weekend I went to James Jean's art gallery "Rebus" opening. The LA hipster/art scene is pretty funny to me, mostly because I used to think my bummy “I don’t give a shit how I look” look fit in well with that crowd, but as I’ve wisened up I have noticed that the hipster look is more well thought out than I had originally thought. Looks kind of bummy but outfits are still planned, facial hair and accompanying “messy” hair is still groomed and all. Ugh. Sounds like a lot of work to look messy, bummy, and still fashionable and nice all at the same time. Fuck that. I guess it makes sense though since artists are still going to notice what doesn’t flow aesthetically, and just can’t help themselves.

I overheard a pretty funny conversation while there

Girl 1 recognizes Girl 2 from somewhere and approaches her saying “Hey, I think..”

Girl 2 “…yeah, you’re”

Girl 1”we’re facebook friends?”

I was able to restrain my laughter but I couldn’t hide the grin.

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UCLA Racist Girl

I saw this video while gambolin to my hearts content; a girl at ucla goes on a rant about "asian people and their manners" in the library.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg3tIERI-D4

What really struck a chord with me was how she characterized her rant as "not politically correct." I love it when people chalk up acceptance of other people to being politically correct. Just like when people discuss gay rights and say that people that support gay rights are "liberal" or "progressive." I would today like to propose a new word for people who fall into those categories, which is the "Not Fucking Retarded" political point of view. This point of view essentially means that you use things like logic to decide the best means to govern society, and tend to shy away from old ramblings which happened to get written down and collected over the centuries and somehow became known as truth. Maybe I'll live to see the day when the whole world can all together proudly say "I am NOT fucking retarded." I like to think I'm a lucky guy when it counts.

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The Almighty Dollar

I got my very first tax return when I was 16. I had made a whopping 800 dollars or so working the holiday season at Mervyn's, and had 75 cents withheld for income taxes. I was supposed to receive the 75 cents as my entire tax return, but Uncle Sam only works in whole dollars so it got rounded up to a dollar. At the time I opted to get my return via the mail, and 6-8 weeks later I got my check from the treasury for one precious greenback. I thought it was hilarious that the government spent at least 34 cents or whatever sending me a check worth a dollar (and probably spent 16 dollars or some ridiculous shit on all the manpower that went into making that check get printed, lost, put in the mail etc.), so I saved the check and put it in my wallet as my emergency cash in case I was ever stranded somewhere were visa was not accepted.

A year passed and I had forgotten about the buck, and another treasury check came in the mail. Those checks are only good for one year, and if you haven't cashed it yet you get resent your return. I never did bother cashing that one in and don't know what happened to it. Now every year I get a check and it brings joy to my heart to know that I swindled the government (meaning YOU) out of 25 cents, and that this check will probably represent the only time in my life where I receive from the good ol' us of a more than I deserve from it.

I'm kind of curious to see how long they keep sending the checks, and wonder if I will still get them when I am an old man. I know I will get a kick out of getting some shit like this when I am 80 years old and a postage stamp is 5 dollars. Or if, when I'm worm food, my progeny keeps receiving the checks. I hope they don't cash them. Sorry for wasting your money!

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Reality Is More Fucked Up Than Imagination

So I read this article today

http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/03/02/california.baby.stabbed/index.html?hpt=T2

Basically a teenager kidnapped his baby from its caretaker, called the baby’s mother and said he was going to harm the baby, amber alert went out cops chased his car, he stabbed the baby and crashed into a building and then took off running leaving the baby behind. While the cops were chasing him they shot him as it looked like he was breaking into a house.

I don’t know law very well but I always thought you had to be a lethal threat to the cops before they shot you. Meaning like you had to approach them with some lethal weapon brandished before they fired. Maybe this isn’t the case, either way I was surprised to learn that he got shot at while running away even though he hadn’t attacked/threatened the cops in any way. As I was wondering about the law, I also thought “maybe the guy was black.” Anyways I googled him and he turned out to be black.

“There are some people that think all black people look alike. We normally call those people police.” – Dave Chappelle

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Sheen Is Immune

He’s immune to drugs. Possibly immune to aids. And definitely immune to the judgement of the good ol’ us of a. H is latest string of interviews is genius because it is IMPOSSIBLE to make fun of him. How do you make fun of a dude who is himself 100% of the time? I’m not even sure there’s a difference between his roles and his “real life” interview self. I suppose the thing that makes it even harder to tease is that real life, in this case, is so much more ridiculous than fiction could ever be.

I remember wiki’ing sheen a few months ago, after I had watched my first ever episode of 2 and a half men. I was curious how he made it so big that he could star in a show where he just plays himself. The more of his work I looked up the more I realized that pretty much all of his work was shit where he played Charlie sheen. He only has one character in his repertoire and everyone loves it. Never had to play anyone else. I'm still not sure how you develop roles that are parodying yourself when no one even knows who you are yet. 

He’s definitely a stranger to the world, his only crime being that he is himself.

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