on hold

 There was a time when I thought my next job would be right around the corner, and that the hours I wasted only felt long - that in actuality it was juvenile anxiety, eager for christmas morning to come, that seemed to stretch my days. Bursting with excitement I'd draft cover letters, gushing at job descriptions that promised challenging occupations in exciting places. I could not be any luckier than to have the opportunity I had to apply to these positions. Days would fly by, because my mind wasn't focused on my work, but was instead fantasizing about the crazy shit I'd design that would change the course of humanity forever. I was so close to accelerating human understanding of life, the universe...you know. Like a bachelor with late night company on the stroll home I was almost there. I'd already done the hard grunt work. All that remained was some delicate maneuvering.

At some point I decided to be prudent and expand my horizons. As years of adventurous experiences have taught me, sometimes the way in isn't through the front. Prudence dictates testing all orifices. While still gushing at job postings, it was the companies themselves rather than the particular positions offered that stoked my emotions. This would be a first you then me type scenario. Not the quickest way but still a way. Stories of heroes on long odysseys filled my heart as I trudged on. "I know I can't lose." The journey is what this is all about anyways right? We do these things because they are hard and all that.

Life is good. There are no worries, no challenges, nothing really for me to bother with. I cruise into work whenever I can drag myself in, amble around, say what's up to people I don't really care about and that don't really care about me but it's just what we do. Why not. Get to my desk and read some news. I like to be informed. Search for jobs a little. Do work as it comes and put on the cruise control until it is time to go home. Thank god! Cruise into my house, eat some dinner. Get to my desk and read some news. I like to be informed. Search for jobs a little. Stay awake for as long as I can because this is me-time. To sleep is to surrender to another day.