Another Year

so crazy. in retrospect

turning the first of many uncool ages, going to wegas again, being stoked about nasa and wow i'm graduating not knowing where i might be in 6 months, then finding myself in the same goddamn place, all the beer sports and liquor football, too much degeneracy, barely going to school, trying to visit singlespeeder.com, then DAMN growing up. too fast. way too fast. i don't know how long i could have lived that life for but goddamn coop you were fun as fuck that spring. jack being nurtured but never quite ready for the world maybe next year. shipped off to somewhere that i can never really truly explain how amazing it was and i know there are only a few people who come close to getting it and if you don't get it you're not worth getting it, not in a bad way but its something i hold so close because i wanted it for so long and it still seems like it wasn't real. being frustrated while i was there. how can educated people be so retarded? truly testing the depths of degeneracy and my sanity while there. got the fever for the bayou but never really felt like i was there until she was done visiting and then it all hit damn i'm really in the next bit of life, do i want to stay here or not? thought a lot since i had a lot of time but sometimes i don't know that you need time to think since all you do is confuse yourself its like you're trying to find your way out of a maze where you're blindfolded and you're trying to orient yourself by spinning faster and faster. SUPER degenerate times that i'll never have again. so glad that i did though because then now i know i can and that there's more that i can do. like a lot more. money is silly. and i got a little crazy. do i really want to be here? still don't know, ended up coming back fatter and oddly hungrier. scared with where i found myself and did what i could to get out. strange going back to the coop and having friends again and not being alone all the time. yeaah freestyles. how or why that was born or brought up may never be known but i'm really glad that it was. week life, weak life, shitty waking up to do something so __________________________________. especially when i just came back from what i did. very scary. do i want to be here? fuuuuckkk no. started rolling the wheels that'll get me out but to where exactly i'm not sure and if i'd jump on the train once it took off i wouldn't know until later. then a different outlet reared its head. thought it was all very funny, and the universe or whatever got us to try to explain why. that was a fun two weeks. insightful. still not sure i've digested it entirely. still doesn't really feel like anythings much different since much wasn't expected with things winding down for the holidays, and people coming back anyways and alot of visits to club coop. starting to settle into the _________________________ and then the holidays and a long break and some moderately degenerate times. after that was the real shock. welcome to the world bitch! now you just grind, well we say we're grinding but really we're being ground down until we fit nicely in the cogs. so glad that i started the wheels to get out and then all i did was spend time checking to see if i made it out. lots of plants being sacrificed for some greater good. it was probably a good idea. then random ideas to get out in case my original plan doesn't work, but then my original plan works and so the ideas go to sleep again. find out i'm going somewhere cool and i stop checking so much and creating some more new things. man i've been creating alot lately. i wonder where i'll be in a year? i wonder if i'll want to be there?